Search For Guidance

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Self Help Post #7

Thanks to Deszi Esasc for the following advice.

A question to ask yourself when you get angry is: From what point of view am I looking at this from? I'll give a personal anecdote from when I was starting on this path. Someone (call her Jane Doe) was an ex-smoker who lived with me. Deszi and I made brownies and Jane Doe loves brownies. We divied them up equally into several containers. Jane Doe finished her container and ate one of mine before she and I made another batch. I was upset because she was taking my brownies and I wasn't getting as many. Deszi told me to look at it not from a view of scarcity, but from the view of yes, I have more than enough brownies and will share them with you. Jane Doe was struggling with quitting smoking and Deszi told me that she needed the brownies to replace cigarettes. I learned to have empathy and looked at a situation a different way. I realized that you don't necessarily have to keep everything of yours and hoard it. Just let go.

I will be cutting back on posts starting next week. I may only post one or two a week. Also, Deszi may post some.

Self Help Post #6

Now we have to learn how to deal with other people's anger. When they begin yelling, recommend this blog and recognize that they are not as spiritually advanced as you are. If they were, they wouldn't be angry. Then ignore them. After a while, they'll go into their room and cry. They'll come out and ignore you. Don't press them. Soon enough, they'll give in and begin talking a little more calmly about why they're upset. Listen to them. Give them advice or tell them about someone who can. The conflict is resolved, and the other person will have learned that yelling doesn't get them anywhere. Everyone's happy.

Self Help Post #5

Today you all get to learn how to deal with anger. Anger is a major part of our life, and if we do not learn how to deal with it peacefully, it can not only cause us stress, but also cause stress to others. I like the pot of water analogy.

Analogy
Okay, so you have a pot of water on the stove. When you heat the stove (bad things happen) the water begins to boil (you get mad). You now have two choices: Let it sit or put it in the freezer.

Let it sit

This means that you give it some time. Go off and sit on the couch, bed, or whatever, and relax. Knit. Play with LEGOs. Read. Write. Draw. Whatever helps. Then, when you're fully relaxed, go back and ignore what just made you mad. Gradually deal with it.

Put it in the freezer

Get really, steaming mad. Yell until you feel like you're going to asphyxiate. Make anyone within a twenty foot radius feel like they are a piece of crap and not worth anything. Go into your room and cry. Come out and ignore everyone else.

Needless to say, I definitely feel that option #1 is the best. But the choice is yours.